A Simple Tool for Complex Feelings: The Window of Tolerance Explained

Please note that this blog post reflects the author’s perspective is not a substitute for individual therapy or support. If you need immediate support, please connect with your local crisis support (such as calling or texting 9-8-8 within Canada) or emergency services (such as 9-1-1).

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The Window of Tolerance is a concept I return to often in my therapy work and in my daily life. It’s a simple yet powerful tool to help us understand how we’re doing and where we’re at emotionally. Whether you’ve experienced trauma, struggle with people-pleasing or anxiety, or are simply feeling stressed, this framework can offer valuable insights.

What is the Window of Tolerance?

Developed by Dr. Dan Siegel, the Window of Tolerance represents the zone where we can experience a range of emotions without feeling overwhelmed. Think of it as your emotional bandwidth. Within this window, you might feel calm, curious, compassionate, connected, courageous, or confident. This is when your nervous system is in balance, allowing you to engage with life’s challenges in a manageable way.

When we move above our window of tolerance, we enter a state of hyperarousal. Here, our sympathetic nervous system shifts into overdrive, preparing us to fight or flee. This might look like:

• Anxiety: Racing thoughts, difficulty concentrating, or feeling on edge. For example, replaying a mistake you made at work over and over, unable to let it go.

• People-pleasing: Overcommitting to tasks, fearing you’ll let someone down, and feeling overwhelmed by trying to meet everyone’s expectations.

When we drop below our window of tolerance, we experience hypoarousal. This is when our nervous system signals us to freeze or shut down. You might feel:

• Foggy or numb: Feeling disconnected from your surroundings or like you’re watching life happen from a distance, a response your body may have learned to cope with past danger.

• Anxiety or people-pleasing burnout: Experiencing extreme exhaustion, where even small tasks feel insurmountable, or emotionally shutting down after prolonged stress.

Can You Experience Difficult Emotions Within the Window of Tolerance?

Yes! Being within your window of tolerance doesn’t mean you’ll only feel “positive” emotions. It’s entirely possible to feel sadness or frustration and still be within this zone. The key difference lies in whether the emotion is manageable or overwhelming.

For example:

• With anxiety, you might feel nervous about an upcoming presentation but still manage to prepare and deliver it. However, if the anxiety escalates to a point where you’re unable to think clearly or cancel the presentation, you’ve likely moved outside your window of tolerance.

• With people-pleasing, you might feel a twinge of guilt when setting a boundary but can hold firm. If the guilt becomes overwhelming and you abandon the boundary, you’ve moved outside the window.

• For someone with a history of trauma, remembering a difficult event may bring up sadness or anger within the window of tolerance. However, if you feel consumed by fear or disconnected from reality, it’s a sign you’ve moved outside the window.

What Happens When We’ve Experienced Trauma?

Trauma can narrow our window of tolerance. This happens because our brain and body have learned to react quickly to perceived threats to keep us safe. While these responses might have been vital in a traumatic or dangerous environment, they can feel confusing or distressing in everyday life.

For example, you might notice:

• Ruminating on something that we said or that another person said

• Feeling triggered by for example, different environments, body language or tone, been seen or disappointing others  

• Struggling to stay grounded during a disagreement, finding yourself overwhelmed with fear or anger

If this resonates with you, working with a therapist can be a helpful step. Therapy can support you in “building emotional muscle” to widen your window of tolerance and help you navigate life with greater ease and resilience.

How Can Understanding the Window of Tolerance Help?

When we’re outside our window of tolerance, our thinking brain—the part responsible for reflection and reasoning—often shuts down. This allows our survival instincts to take over. However, noticing where we are in relation to our Window of Tolerance can re-engage curiosity and turn on our thinking brain, sending signals to our body that we’re safe. Read more about why curiosity is so beneficial for our life and relationships.

This awareness can:

• Help orient you to the present here-and-now moment.

• Help you recognize patterns in your emotions, thoughts, and behaviors.

• Encourage curiosity about your responses rather than judgment.

• Provide a foundation for change, as noticing is often the first step toward transformation.

An Invitation to Be Curious

If you’re exploring your own Window of Tolerance, I invite you to approach it with curiosity and self-compassion. This isn’t about fixing yourself but about understanding and supporting your nervous system.

It can also be helpful to explore this with a trusted friend, support system, or therapist. You can also take a look at my previous blog post to learn more about some strategies to try if you notice that you are outside of your window of tolerance.

Remember to go slow. If it feels overwhelming, consider pausing and seeking professional support. You don’t have to navigate this journey alone—help is available, and healing is possible.

About the author

Sabrina Sibbald (MSW, RSW) is a Registered Social Worker and Psychotherapist. She supports adults in Burlington, Toronto, and across Ontario to overcome anxiety, people pleasing, and trauma so they can move forward in a way that feels true to who they are.

References

Siegel, D. J. (1999). The Developing Mind: How Relationships and the Brain Interact to Shape Who We Are. Guilford Press.

Psychology Tools. (n.d.). The Window of Tolerance. Retrieved from https://www.psychologytools.com/resource/window-of-tolerance

NICABM. (n.d.). Trauma: How to Help Your Clients Understand Their Window of Tolerance. Retrieved from https://www.nicabm.com/trauma-how-to-help-your-clients-understand-their-window-of-tolerance

Neurodivergent Insights. (n.d.). Hypoarousal and Hyperarousal. Retrieved from https://neurodivergentinsights.com/blog/hypoarousal-hyperarousal

WebMD. (n.d.). What is Hyperarousal in PTSD? Retrieved from https://www.webmd.com/mental-health/what-is-hyperarousal-in-ptsd

Holistic Health Counseling Center. (n.d.). Coping with Hypoarousal as a Trauma Response. Retrieved from https://holistichealthcounselingcenter.com/coping-with-hypoarousal-as-a-trauma-response

Fisher, J. (2017). Healing the Fragmented Selves of Trauma Survivors: Overcoming Internal Self-Alienation. Routledge. (Includes Window of Tolerance flip chart.)

Ogden, P., Minton, K., & Pain, C. (2006). Trauma and the Body: A Sensorimotor Approach to Psychotherapy. W.W. Norton & Company.