Two Things I Do When Feeling Stuck, as a Social Worker & Therapist – Part 2
Please note that this blog post reflects the author’s perspective is not a substitute for individual therapy or support. If you need immediate support, please connect with your local crisis support (such as calling or texting 9-8-8 within Canada) or emergency services (such as 9-1-1).
In the first part of this series, I introduced The Choice Point, a tool from Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) that helps us explore moments of feeling stuck by identifying towards moves (behaviours that align with the type of life we want) and away moves (actions that don’t). We also talked about the importance of noticing when we get “hooked” by away moves and approaching these moments with curiosity and gentleness.
But what happens when we notice we’re hooked—and still can’t seem to unhook? Or when we’re trying to make a decision, but the weight of conflicting emotions, thoughts, and fears feel automatic and like they’re outside of our control?
In my work with clients, that’s a moment where I find it helpful to bring in a parts approach. By holding a stance of curiosity toward different “parts” of ourselves that show up in moments of indecision, we can gain clarity and compassion, even in the midst of inner conflict.
These parts work steps build on exercises from approaches such as Internal Family Systems (IFS) and Trauma-Informed Stabilization Treatment (TIST), and is also similar to the Gestalt Empty Chair Technique.
When Stuck in a Decision: An Example of Parts Work
Let’s say you’re facing a difficult decision: whether to say “yes” to a new job opportunity. Part of you feels excited—it’s a chance to grow and challenge yourself. Another part of you is terrified—what if you’re not good enough, or it’s too overwhelming? Then there’s the voice of doubt that wonders if staying where you are might be better.
This could be a great time to approach from a parts perspective.
Step 1: Ground Yourself in the Present
Start by grounding yourself in the here and now. Take a few deep breaths and notice your surroundings or the sensations in your body. This helps create a sense of safety and stability, which is essential as you want to remain grounded in awareness of the present moment, even when sitting with different parts who are feeling conflicted.
Step 2: Identify the Parts who are present in the here and now
As you think about the decision, notice the different difficult feelings or thoughts arising, and notice them as parts of who you are.
Maybe you hear a voice saying, “You should take the job—you’ll regret it if you don’t.” This might be an ambitious part or a part that fears missing out.
Another part might say, “What if you fail? Better to stay where it’s safe.” This could be an anxious part trying to protect you.
Perhaps there’s a quieter part whispering, “I just want to feel valued where I am.”
Try to name these parts without judgment. Each part represents a valid perspective or a need that wants to be heard.
Step 3: Visualize the Parts that are Present in this Moment
Imagine these parts sitting around a table. Picture yourself as the mediator—the wise adult self—inviting each part to share its perspective.
For example:
Ask the ambitious part: “What’s motivating you to want this job? What’s important to you?”
Ask the anxious part: “What are you worried might happen if I take this job? How are you trying to protect me?”
Ask the quiet part: “What does feeling valued mean to you? What would help you feel that way?”
Listen to each part with curiosity and compassion, as though you were a kind host welcoming guests.
Step 4: Respond with Compassion from your Adult Self
Once you’ve heard from all the parts, thank them for their input. Reassure them that their concerns and desires are valid and that you’re considering their needs as you make your decision.
For instance:
To the anxious part: “I hear that you’re worried about failure, and I understand why. Thank you for trying to keep me safe. I’ll make sure to plan carefully and ask for help if I need it.”
To the ambitious part: “I see how much you want to grow and make the most of this opportunity. I’ll take time to reflect on whether this aligns with my long-term goals.”
To the quiet part: “Your desire to feel valued is so important. Whether I take this job or stay, I’ll look for ways to recognize my worth.”
Step 5: Return to the Choice Point
With the insights from your parts, revisit The Choice Point:
What towards moves align with your values in this decision?
What away moves are tied to fear, avoidance, or old patterns?
For example:
Towards moves: Reflecting on your values, seeking advice from a trusted friend, and making a decision with self-compassion.
Away moves: Procrastinating, overthinking, or avoiding the decision out of fear.
Remember, it’s normal to feel stuck or hooked into away moves at times. Each time you notice and reflect, you’re practicing a new pattern—one that brings you closer to clarity and action.
Start with Small Steps
When trying this exercise for the first time, as with any new skill, I encourage you to start small. This means using it to sit with something that feels difficult but not overwhelming – such as a 2 or 3 difficulty instead of a 10/10 difficulty.
Remember that everything in these exercises are also always an invitation - you are welcomed to pause or stop at any time.
When Stuck Feels Overwhelming
Sometimes, sitting with parts of ourselves can feel overwhelming, especially if we have experienced difficult or traumatic things in the past. If you notice that you are feeling overwhelmed at even thinking about this exercise or after beginning it, having difficulty remaining curious and compassionate toward the parts, or feeling difficult emotions like being disconnected, it is likely a good idea to pause and connect with support such as from a qualified therapist to navigate these feelings in a trauma-informed way that can help hold a space of groundedness and curiosity.
You can also check out this blog post if you need some ideas about how to cope when things feel difficult.
If this resonates with you or evokes feelings of curiosity or creativity, I invite you to sit with your parts the next time you’re feeling stuck and notice what insights arise.
As this is the final post in this two-part series, I hope these tools — the Choice Point and beginning to notice different parts present in the internal conflict — offer you gentle and compassionate ways to navigate stuckness and move toward the life you truly want.
If you’d like to explore these approaches further or feel ready for deeper support, connecting with a therapist can be a meaningful next step. Reach out when you’re ready—support is here for you.
About the author
Sabrina Sibbald (MSW, RSW) is a Registered Social Worker and Psychotherapist. She supports adults in Burlington, Toronto, and across Ontario to overcome anxiety, people pleasing, and trauma so they can move forward in a way that feels true to who they are.
References
Fisher, J. (2017). Healing the Fragmented Selves of Trauma Survivors: Overcoming Internal Self-Alienation. Routledge.
Harris, R. (2009). ACT Made Simple. New Harbinger Publications.
Perls, F. (1973). The Gestalt Approach & Eye Witness to Therapy. Science and Behavior Books.
Schwartz, R. C. (1995). Internal Family Systems Therapy. New York, NY: Guilford Press.
Schwartz, R. C. (2021). No Bad Parts: Healing Trauma and Restoring Wholeness with the Internal Family Systems Model. Boulder, CO: Sounds True.
