Two Things I Do When Feeling Stuck, as a Social Worker & Therapist – Part 1
Please note that this blog post reflects the author’s perspective is not a substitute for individual therapy or support. If you need immediate support, please connect with your local crisis support (such as calling or texting 9-8-8 within Canada) or emergency services (such as 9-1-1).
We’ve all been there. Faced with a big decision, our minds race back and forth between two (or a million!) considerations. Other times, there’s no clear decision at hand, but we still feel stagnant, weighed down by an invisible heaviness. Either way, taking action feels impossible—we’re stuck.
If you feel this way, you’re not alone. Feeling stuck is part of the human experience. Life is difficult at times, and there’s not always a “right” answer or an obvious path forward. In fact, that stuckness often connects to past difficulties and the ways we’ve learned to navigate them.
As a social worker and psychotherapist, I’ve found tools and approaches that help me when I’m feeling stuck. Today, I’m sharing part one of this two-part series: an approach I use called The Choice Point to determine my "towards" and "away" moves.
1. Determining Towards and Away Moves
One of my favorite tools is called The Choice Point, a concept from Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) developed by Dr. Russ Harris and colleagues. This tool is incredibly helpful because it provides a simple, in-the-moment map for reflecting on what matters most and how we’re responding to challenges. When we feel stuck, The Choice Point allows us to consciously examine our actions and their alignment with our values.
The Three Main Components of The Choice Point
Towards Moves: Internal and external actions that move us closer to the life we want.
Away Moves: Internal and external actions that take us further from the life we want.
Choice Point: Moments when we face a thought, feeling, or situation that has the potential to "hook" us, pulling us toward an automatic response. In these moments, we have an opportunity to make a conscious choice: towards or away.
Internal vs. External Actions
Internal Actions: These are invisible to others, like self-talk, rules we’ve internalized, or beliefs about ourselves.
External Actions: These are visible behaviors or choices, such as how we communicate or the decisions we make in our daily lives.
When feeling stuck, we can draw out a Choice Point diagram (see below for how to draw your own!) or simply reflect:
What actions would move me towards the life I want?
What actions would move me away from it?
For example:
Towards Moves: Sharing my true feelings, setting boundaries, allowing time to rest, practicing self-compassion, and being flexible in exploring my identity and growth.
Away Moves: Overthinking past conversations, avoiding social situations, agreeing to things beyond my capacity, staying silent when something feels wrong, and judging myself for not “having it all figured out.”
A Key Insight: Emotions Are Not Good or Bad
It’s important to remember that emotions themselves aren’t towards or away moves. As humans, we experience a wide range of emotions, from joy to sadness, from calm to anger. These feelings are natural and part of being alive. It’s not the presence of the emotion but rather the actions we take in response to those emotions that determine whether we’re moving toward or away from the life we value.
Another Key Insight: Getting Hooked Is Normal
Here’s something I want you to hear clearly: getting hooked and moving away from the life you want is completely normal. It doesn’t mean you’re failing—it means you’re human.
The key is to practice noticing when you’re hooked. Each time you recognize that you’ve been pulled into an old pattern, you’re creating a new opportunity to move toward what you do want. Even the act of noticing is a move towards growth and alignment with your values.
Self-judgment about being hooked can itself become a Choice Point. Rather than criticizing yourself, try approaching this moment with curiosity and gentleness. Ask yourself:
What can I learn from this pattern?
What does this reaction say about what’s important to me?
How might I offer myself compassion in this moment?
This shift from judgment to curiosity is powerful. It reinforces a new pattern of self-awareness and compassion, laying the groundwork for lasting change.
The Choice Point and Parts Work
In my work with clients, I often combine ACT with other mindfulness-based approaches, including parts work. This perspective is especially helpful when addressing feelings of stuckness tied to trauma or complex internal dynamics.
When using The Choice Point alongside parts work, we can identify which parts of ourselves might be "hooking" us. For instance, we may notice parts that:
Work hard to people-please.
Feel anxious and seek to protect us.
Harbor anger or frustration from unmet needs.
Sometimes, these parts pull us in conflicting directions, leaving us stuck. Recognizing these patterns allows us to approach them with curiosity and compassion, empowering us to make intentional, values-driven choices.
Three Invitations for You
If you’re feeling stuck, here are three invitations you can try. I encourage you to approach with curiosity!
Draw:
Here’s how to draw your own Choice Point diagram
Mark a Point in the Middle of a blank page
Right in the center of the page, draw a circle. This is your Choice Point, the moment you face a thought, feeling, or situation that could “hook” you—pulling you into automatic patterns or reactions.
Add Two Diverging Arrows
From the Choice Point, draw two arrows going in opposite directions:
One arrow goes upward or to the right, symbolizing "towards moves”
The other arrow goes downward or to the left, symbolizing "away moves”
Reflect:
What internal or external actions move you move toward the life you want? Away from the life you want?
What thoughts, feelings, or situations tend to “hook” you and lead to away moves? What would help you make more towards moves?
What supports help you to unhook or to move toward the life you want?
Imagine:
If you’re unsure about what "the life you want" looks like, here are some starting points:
Reflect on values that matter most to you.
Imagine how you’d like to treat yourself and others.
Envision your ideal day or week.
If this feels overwhelming, know that support is available. You can read my earlier blog post that shares some strategies in managing feelings of overwhelm. Journaling, connecting with a trusted person, spending time in nature, or working with a therapist are other activities that can all help clarify your values and direction, and ways to notice and unhook. Sometimes, we all need a little help moving toward the life that we want.
In part two of this series, I’ll share another strategy for identifying and working with the parts of yourself that might be keeping you stuck. Stay tuned!
About the author
Sabrina Sibbald (MSW, RSW) is a Registered Social Worker and Psychotherapist. She supports adults in Burlington, Toronto, and across Ontario to overcome anxiety, people pleasing, and trauma so they can move forward in a way that feels true to who they are.
References
Harris, R. (2021). ACT Made Simple 2nd Edition: An Easy-to-Read Primer on Acceptance and Commitment Therapy. Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications.
Harris, R. (n.d.). Choice Point 2.0 Worksheet. The Happiness Trap.
Hayes, S. C., Strosahl, K. D., & Wilson, K. G. (1999). Acceptance and Commitment Therapy: An Experiential Approach to Behavior Change. New York, NY: The Guilford Press.
Fisher, J. (2017). Healing the Fragmented Selves of Trauma Survivors: Overcoming Internal Self-Alienation. New York, NY: Routledge.
